Out of sync

I've noticed in the last few weeks that my mind and body have been out of sync.  When my mind is healthy and I've got training mojo coming out of my ears, my body is ill or run down:  Like right now for example; I'm curled up on the sofa feeling as sick as a parrot but all I can think about is how annoyed I am that I've missed this afternoon's run session and that I'm never going to get fitter unless I get the training in. Or alternatively, when I'm feeling down and have no drive or mojo whatsoever, my body is perfectly healthy and fit enough to train.  I think I experienced a bit of a come down after Israel; I'd put so much effort and hype into training for that particular race, that now that it's over, I feel like hanging my running trainers up for the rest of the season.

The bank holiday weekend wasn't as successful as I'd hoped either.  I raced at the Diana Cooke Memorial on Saturday (a 10 mile TT on a slow course) and came 5th out of a field of 40 riders.  Considering most of these riders are pure cyclists, and considering it was my first 10 TT of the season and I won £23 you think I'd be over the moon.....but I wasn't. 

It's hard to put my finger on why. Perhaps I was aiming for a quicker time, or to finish higher up. My brother-in-law told me a quote the other day...."better never stops" and it got me thinking - athletes train so hard and aim so high but even when they get to where they want to be, suddenly the boundary moves and the bar is raised and the challenge to improve starts all over again.

The day after the TT, I raced at The 3 Spires Sprint Triathlon.  This is a great local event that I'd done 3 times before and feeling much fitter and stronger than last time I went with the aim of smashing my previous results.  However, half way into the bike leg I went to take a right turn at a roundabout and (going at some speed) went straight over some diesel on the road that had been leaked from a tractor.  My bike flew into the air and I landed quite heavily on the road; along with 8 other riders.  My rear light smashed to pieces and my legs and arms were cut to shreds but apart from that I was OK and so were the other riders.  After seeing what was what, one of the guys told me to carry on so I leapt back on my bike, finished the bike route and the 5k run and then felt instantly down.  Despite still winning the female race by 6 minutes I was disappointed that I hadn't beaten my previous time - although I'm not quite sure what I expected after a fall like that?!  I was pleased that I'd got on and finished what I started but because the race hadn't gone to plan I found it hard to take the positives.  My cuts and bruises also meant that I missed the Mallory Park Tri the next day, which is really such an insignificant thing considering how much worse our injuries could have been.

Reflecting on the weekend got me thinking about what I love about my sport.  I love training - but when it's for me and not for getting results.  I love racing - but need to learn how to take the positives from every race.  I love new challenges - which is why I'm stepping my distances up after this weekend. Reflecting on this weekend also got me thinking about the perfectionist nature of many athletes and how depression in athletes is far more common than people realise.  If 1 in 4 people suffer from poor mental health that means there must be about 38 people in my triathlon club who are suffering from it.  Yet no-one would know who they are because they smile and they're quite often chirpy and they only show you the side of themselves that they want you to see. I did a bit of research on famous athletes that suffer from depression and a long list of hits came up like Frank Bruno, Stan Collymore, Freddie Flintoff, Vinnie Jones, Ricky Hatton etc.  Our triathlon club are this year supporting MIND as one of our charities; a great charity with a great cause - and more importantly to me, a cause that is fighting the stigma associated around mental health.  Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. 

We hope to raise awareness of depression and mental health issues not just in the general public, but amongst fellow athletes too.  After all, sports often attract energetic high fliers with a passion to achieve great things, such people are more prone to the onset of depression.  Please find below some common signs of depression that may be useful for anyone who is touched by this blog and if you're running from something (and I don't just mean T2), maybe it's time to ask for some help and support; you're not alone.